Posts Tagged ‘self-doubt’


Posted on September 4, 2012 - by

The End of an Era

I’ve been extremely unhappy as of late. Actually I’ve been unhappy for a while.

Solution#1: Find Another job

I thought it was the fact that I graduated cum laude, but have the honor of working as a cashier. Despite, my displeasure in this fact, you’ve never seen a more lakadsical person in finding another job. So for all of my bellyaching, my job is not the reason for my unhappiness.

Solution #2: The Non-Profit

Looking for a change of pace and scenery, I volunteered at a non-profit, and found joy in that for a little while. But after a few months, the office was making me jittery. I hated sitting in front of a desk for a few hours at a time. It made me bored, and I really can’t do it for long periods of time.

Solution #3: Finishing this Dang Blasted Novel

I’ve stepped outside my comfort zone and did a reading not too long ago. I went to the Write in Bk meetings and felt a great reassurance that my writing was on the right track. But still this heaviness persists.

Almost There

And Then It Came to Me: Other than finishing this novel, I am not doing anything. Where did all my days go? I’ll tell you where they went! They went to consuming and that’s a passive activity. Buy, buy, watch, watch, watch. I was consuming all these goods and services, but what have I contributed to the world? What have I given back?

Well, I’ve finally decided I’ve gotta produce something to show for all those TV shows, movies, foods I’ve eaten, concerts I been to, walks on a nice summer day I’ve done. These experiences have shaped my life, but its just a one way street, if I don’t go out there and produce something in kind.

So I produced something and started card making. It scratched my itch for a little while, but now the thrill has waned. I was creating, but I was still unhappy and and I didn’t know why.

And then out of nowhere that epiphany came: I’ am not sharing my creations. As long as my creations remain, in my head, in my house, unknown to the public, I cannot really say that I am doing anything. Creations are meant to be shared, commented on, thought and remarked about. So I can’t just Create, but I have to let the gates down, leave myself vulnerable and Share.

I shared my novel with a few people during the reading, but I need to go outside the comfort zone and share even more. And once again, I am scared as to how I’ll be perceived. But I am tired of this cloud hanging over me. Its about time people knew my name and can attach it to a project, an ability of some sorts. Even if that ability is being the goofiest girl this side of Brooklyn, then so be it.

Originally posted 2010-05-10 14:22:46. Republished by Blog Post Promoter


Posted on September 4, 2012 - by

Have A Little Faith

One common problem I run into on the road to finishing this damn novel is my storyline. As in I had one, I tried writing according to it, but that really didn’t happen. I would literally sit down and try to write what was supposed to happen, but guess what? My novel said otherwise.

I don’t know how what I wrote yesterday is going to fit in the overall storyline. To this I say who cares? Just write already.

You don’t have use everything in your story. Write it some more, maybe the pieces will begin to fit as the story unfolds.

In fact what you’ve written can serve as back story that you never divulge to the reader. In high school, one of my English teachers let on that Mr. Hyde was a whore monger even though there was no mention of it explicitly in the novel. Her reply? What else would a man of ill repute be doing in the middle of the night? Not playing Parcheesi.

Read it again some days later, and ask yourself more questions. Do I like the way this passage flows? Does it expose more about the characters? Do you like it? And why? If not figure out why, but don’t delete it, unless it feels right to do so, and even then I would use caution. You never know.

Faith Isn’t Just for Religion

This is also a good point to bring out that even though you can’t see how your most recently penned passage fits you have to have faith that either it will fit later or bring you closer to what your novel looks or doesn’t look like.

Originally posted 2010-02-18 18:01:00. Republished by Blog Post Promoter


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